Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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