I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
