I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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