Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
