you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
