The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
