She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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