so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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