Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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