Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
