I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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