i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
