I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
