I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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