3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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