i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
