"it" just moved
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
