Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
