Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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