Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
