So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
