I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
