did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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