I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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