I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
