and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
