He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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