One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
