He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
