Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
