these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
