btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
