Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
