I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
