Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize