so explain again why im purple
no
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
