Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
