Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize