nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
