i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
