whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
