My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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