I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
