how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
