What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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