She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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