that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
