I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
honey bunches of taint.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
