Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
