so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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