White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
