dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
