I met the friendliest cop last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
