and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
