I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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