Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
