I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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