I think i sorta joined a cult last night
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
