I think my vagina is haunted
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
