I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
