I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize