I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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