Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
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All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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