I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
