oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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