I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
