you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
