guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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