Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
