I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
